Dating

Dating isn’t as easy as it looks. Two of the biggest challenges with it are fear of rejection, and pretending to be perfect. 

Yes, in our quest to put our best foot forward, we try too hard. Put up a show. Laugh a lot more. Appear charming. Take extra-ordinary interest in our date. Ask questions. Be extra nice. 

When the date ends, you are exhausted. Though you like your date, you don’t reach back for the next one, preferring to wait for your date to connect. Invariably, nothing happens. Only one in three dates result in a repeat date. There is a science that can indicate chances of repeat dates based on your first one. 

Can you do something about it? Make it easier. Less stressful. More joy. 

Will you ever find your one? 

Pre-marital issues

You may have liked her at first sight. Or perhaps, you began liking him after your third date. Either way, you have made up your mind to explore some more. Check each other more thoroughly. So, you continue to date. At some point, you think she’s right, or he could be the one. Then, he gaffes. Says something that puts you off. Or, for a moment she shows a side of hers you hate. The red flags may not be deal breakers but do cast doubts. You have second thoughts. Suddenly, you aren’t sure. You need more validation.

Marital counselling

Marriage is six days of excitement and the world’s record for sex. Five more weeks of getting to know each other, fencing, lunging, pulling back, finding each other’s weaknesses…

After six months, each one has made a decision. Then honeymoon is over, and marriage or divorce begins – until further notice.

Marriage is both a joy and agony. A lot doesn’t depend on whether she’s right for you, but if you are being right?  That’s what Dr Samantha Joel discovered in her pathbreaking study of 11,500 couples to understand what makes for happy lasting relationships between couples.

My father left my mother and his three children behind to marry his secretary when I was 4. In my two novels, I explored marital relationships in depth. It’s a subject that intrigues me. I believe there is a happier way out of the relationship. 

Will you ever find your one? 

Work or work-place related issues

Of the 40 activities 70,000 people were asked to rate between happiest and most unhappy, sex with one’s romantic partner scored number 1. By a wide margin. Down at the bottom, at number 39 was work. Yes, going to work was rated as the 2nd most unhappiest activity. Below it was being sick in bed, and above it looking after a sick relative. 

Work is the cause of much stress and most heart attacks (there are more heart attacks on Monday morning than any other day of the week).

Why is work so despised?

I’ve been on both sides of the aisle – an employee, as well as an employer. 

In more than half the situations, your boss determines how happy you are likely to be at work. The next most important reason is the kind of work you do – not the nature of work.

As an employer, finding work that your employees are fit to do, and enjoy doing, and then keeping them motivated to do it – are the challenges that can keep any employer awake most nights.

There is a lot of stress related to being a entrepreneur. A start-up founder and friend recently posted on his LinkedIn profile that every morning when he gets, he believes he’ll change the world, but by the time he retires for the day, he hears himself say that being an employee was better.